


You're Still A Fuckboy No Matter What You Do In This World

by Unickorn



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Fuckboy Shenanigans, Fuckboy meaning he's an idiot, I am Spideypool trash, Imnotsorry, M/M, Peter is still Spiderman, Peter is unaware his favorite youtuber is Deadpool, Peter may have a crush on said youtuber, Wade is a Fuckboy, Wade is a youtuber, Wade is still Deadpool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-04-01 11:35:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4018228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unickorn/pseuds/Unickorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn’t remember when it became habit for him to come home from school, throw his bag on the floor, sit at his computer and log onto youtube. But it happened and after another long day of school he’s planted in front of his computer, again with youtube up and his page already loaded. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he looked forward to new videos from this particular youtuber nor why he actually started liking the damn videos in the first place. The man was vile and all sorts of annoying and yet he just couldn’t get enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kylie Jenner Ain't Got Nothin' on These Lips!

He doesn’t remember when it became habit for him to come home from school, throw his bag on the floor, sit at his computer and log onto youtube. But it happened and after another long day of school he’s planted in front of his computer, again with youtube up and his page already loaded. Honestly, he doesn’t know why he looked forward to new videos from this particular youtuber nor why he actually started liking the damn videos in the first place. The man was vile and all sorts of annoying and yet he just couldn’t get enough. 

Peter clicked on his latest video titled ‘Kylie Jenner Ain’t Got Nothin’ on These Lips’. What the hell was with these new challenges now-a-days anyways? Were people trying to kill themselves? First the cinnamon challenge then Nec-nominations then the Ice Water challenge and now this? Peter let out a sigh before adjusting himself on his computer chair while the video loaded. He couldn’t say he necessarily liked watching these videos, but Chimichanguy (that was his account name) somehow managed to catch his interest be it through funny video titles or screen-caps with obscene amounts of photoshopping done to his own face, not that he had ever actually seen the man’s full face. He was usually pretty covered up in his videos; hood up, gloves on.. the typical waist up get up, well, typical for him anyway.

With the video finally loaded, Peter’s thoughts fall quiet. 

“Alright! Looks like a few suckers fell for the ‘mislabeled video’ trick.” He chuckled, leaning back in his chair and swishing side to side childishly. “Losers.” 

Peter noticed the smirk on his lips however and couldn’t help it as he shook his head. Typical. This guy did anything for views. ‘Attention whore.’ 

“Let’s get down to business, shall we?” He paused, seemingly look at something on his phone with a grimace before he continued, picking up a cup and wiggling it in between his fingers showingly before tossing it over his shoulder. “I’m not actually gonna do it. Why? because it’s not only stupid but.. actually no, it’s just stupid. Have you idiots read any of the news articles on this stupid challenge?” he paused, leaning forward slightly as his hands sat flat on either side of his keyboard. “Of course you haven’t…. neither have I, but that’s not the point!”

He adjusts himself again, an elbow resting on top of his desk as he cups his chin. Where the hell was this guy going with this? This was a question he constantly asked himself whenever he watched one of Chimichanguy’s videos, but then he supposed that was one of the reasons why he stayed; because the man could hold his attention.

“Okay, so I don’t actually have a point… details, snetails” He makes ‘pfft’ noise as he holds back a laugh. “Snail details.” he whispers before laughing loudly, his fist banging gently on top of his desk and causing the camera to shake a bit. “Hoo, I crack myself up… anyway, back on topic, this challenge is stupid. Can’t anybody come up with a good challenge? I don’t know maybe like swallowing knives or seeing how many burritos you can eat before farting?”  
Peter laughs, but then how could you not at the idea of a challenge where you eat burritos until you fart? 

The man shrugs before continuing. “Whelp, you’re probably looking down at the video length right now wondering what the hell I’m going to do for the next mm… minute and a half, well I’m glad you asked!” Chimichanguy pops out of his chair purposefully, revealing that he’s only wearing boxers with his heavily covered upper half.

Peter’s eyes widen at the sight because wow, that’s something he never expected to see from this guy. When he returns he finds himself watching closely, hoping to catch the pattern on his underwear before straightening. ‘What- Why am I even-...’ He stops himself, looking at the wall worriedly. “Whhhy?!” He questions himself again, shaking his head before turning back to the video just as Chimichanguy returns, pausing mid-way through sitting. Yep, that was definitely ‘Hello Kitty’ on his boxer shorts.

“What’re you guy’s starring at… pervs!” He reprimands jokingly before finally sitting again, an unfamiliar contraption in his hand. “Alright.” He adjusts himself back into his seat, scootching the chair back a bit to show off his boxers again. Was that a little bit of thigh too?  
“This here-” Peter can’t take his eyes off the man’s visible smirk; about the only thing visible about this man aside from that small bit of thigh. “-is a penis pump.” Peter somehow manages to choke on his spit. DId he really just go and get a penis pump to do the Kylie Jenner challenge or was it his own personal pump? God, why did Peter want to know that? “No, it’s not mine… well, I guess it is now, but I pretty much just bought it for this one video, so..” Peter looks at the screen skeptically for a moment, eyes wandering down towards the man’s lower half. “Face is up here, ladies!” Chimichanguy fixes the camera then, angling it up to hide his lower half again. Peter almost complains aloud but stops himself. “And gentlemen, sorry boys… almost forgot about you~” He gives a wink or at least Peter assumes it’s wink since he can’t really see the man’s eyes. “Alright, ready? … this is so fuckin’ stupid, why do I do this?” The second part is mumbled, but it still makes Peter laugh and sit on the edge of his seat as Chimichanguy moves the penis pump to his lips and then the video ends. 

“What the hell was that?!” Peter exclaims, feeling a little more than ripped off.


	2. Norway you skunk'd a plane!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because smelly poo's forcing a plane to turn around and delaying the flight for 15 hours is hilarious.

“Can we just talk about this guy from Norway for a second? ...like-” 

“Peter?”

He paused the video, the knock on his bedroom door calling his attention. “Come in.” He had a feeling he knew who it was seeing as he only lived with one other person; Aunt May. “What’s up?” 

“Are you planning to go out tonight?” 

“Mm..” He hummed, gaze shifting to the computer screen. He really should go out and patrol, make sure the streets are safe and such, but he also really wanted to finish the video Chimichanguy had just uploaded. “No?” It’s left as a question. He’s not sure, yet he knows he should. No. He will. It’s not like the video would be deleted any time soon, well, unless he’d done something completely inappropriate like a few of his earlier videos. However, seeing as this video was labelled ‘Norway you skunk’d a plane!’, a pun of shorts Peter guessed, it shouldn’t be too explicit. 

Videos aside, he changed his focus back onto his Aunt. She was still unaware of his arachnid shenanigans, so it’s not like he could tell her about his plans. He pursed his lips, tilting his head slightly before shaking it in reassurance. “No, I’m staying in tonight.” 

She eyed him, hand on her hip and look of patience on her face. Bless her soul. “Alright, well, I’m off to my shift at the hospital. Behave yourself!” A small smile took over the look she wore only a moment ago.

“Want me to walk with you?” 

She hesitated at his door, hand still on the knob. “If you’d like, but I can see you’re busy with work...” 

Peter chuckled a bit. It definitely wasn’t work… more of a guilty pleasure. “It can wait.” He uncurled himself from the position on his chair before forcing on his chucks and pulling on a red sweater. About to step out of his room, Aunt May pointed to his backpack with a gentle reminder that he’d need his keys. “Right…” Digging them out and pushing them into his pocket, he stepped out of his room. “Off we go.” She nodded in agreement before leading their way down the stairs and out the front door.

The two walked in a companionable silence, his Aunt beside him; an easy enough position to protect, if need be. Fortunately, the hospital was only a few blocks from their house. Even so, Peter didn’t like the idea of having his Aunt out and about alone in the dark streets of New York. He knew what was lurking in the dark, fought most of it on a daily basis. She was the last family member he had and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. 

“So, how’s school going?”

“It’s alright. Have an exam next week and another paper due a few weeks later.”  
She hummed in understanding. “Quite a lot to juggle.” 

It was Peter’s turn to hum, a nod combined with the noise. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

The two exchanged a smile, their conversation smoothly transitioning into other topics before they finally came to a stop outside hospital’s automatic doors. Peter pulled his Aunt into a tight embrace before forcing his hands back into his pockets. “Call me when your shift ends, I’ll come pick you up.” He knew she wouldn’t, but that wouldn’t stop him from watching over her from afar as Spiderman. However, she gave him a nod along with; “Alright.” and a “I’ll see you later.”

After watching his Aunt turn into the lobby, Peter began his trek back home, deciding that he’d finish the video before making his rounds. 

****

"-like this guy’s poo smelt so bad they had to turn the flight around and air that sucker out, delaying the flight for 15 hours.” He paused, trying to control his giggling. Yes, giggling. This grown ass man was giggling like a eleven year-old kid after hearing the word ‘penis’ whispered in class. “Give this man a medal!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is an actual thing that happened and I had to write it into this because it's just so unbelievably hilarious. Well, that and I think Wade would find it absolutely hilarious. 
> 
> I hope this chapter came out alright, let me know! If you have any suggestions on a video that you wanna see Wade do lemme know!


	3. LEAVE MILEY ALONE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade reads comments and simply can't be tamed when the Jay Z song comes on...

“Alright, a lot of you -for some reason- wanted me to read your comments.” He paused, adjusting himself in the chair. “Trust me when I say I absolutely, a hundred percent do… not read any of your comments.” His tone turned bored, his posture matching his words. “I do have a life outside of this, you know, so-” His train of thought was finished with a shrug. There’s a short silence before he quietly began to chuckle to himself, tone lowered. “ Life outside of this… I’m hilarious.” 

Intertwining his fingers, Chimichanguy pushed them toward the camera, the popping noise forcing a satisfied ‘ahh’ from his mouth. “I read all you’re comments, fyi. Some of you are real idiots… like this guy!” A small picture of the comment appeared in the middle of the video, covering the youtuber behind it. 

‘that is retarded like your moms bum hole after she took a shower’  
NephewTheborg

“I agree.”

‘remember kids don’t stick it in the brown hole, or you will burn in hell for eternity! lul’  
Carinxtg

“If it means getting away from you and the other homophobs, then bring me the brown!”

‘More proof that this guy is mentally ill and needs to be executed.’  
Lantwire

“Good luck with that, bud.”

‘I wanna clean you up cause we got some FUUUUUCKIN to do!! LMAO’  
JuzBabixz

“When? Where? Are you clean? Am I clean? Are you married? How Hard? What’s your safe word?” 

‘Not all human is clever like other people on the earth and one of them is you.’  
Betfast 

“…Is this a compliment or an insult?”

‘mlp ??????? huh? huh? if mlp hi bronie brohoof’  
EqustrianBro231

“I am disgusted you made me read this. Brohoof.” Knuckles block the camera momentarily, making it appear Chimichanguy was fist-bumping someone.

‘I couldn’t enjoy the video ‘cause of the slut miley in the background’  
Scoopiash

The screencap faded to show the youtuber staring at the poster of Miley Cyrus behind him, a hand over his heart. “She’s just going through some rough times, bless her soul.” His words were quiet, almost a whisper, before turning into loud and obnoxious as he began to sing ‘Party in the USA’ while he danced, middle fingers raised as the video faded to black.

******

Peter sat back in his chair, face contorted in a mixture of confusion and amusement. He’d read some of the comments himself, unable to make heads or tails of most but never went deeper than the first page. He shook his head. Some people just needed to either stay off the internet or learn how to spell. Simple as that. 

About to close the tab, Peter’s body tensed, startled by the sudden reappearance of Chimichanguy with a paper cutout of Miley Cyrus’s face covering his face as the song ‘I Can’t Be Tamed’ played loudly in the background before the video finally faded out and went black once more. Peter found himself laughing, his cheeks hurting as he rewound the last ten seconds of the video and watched it again.


	4. Ass-k Away!

‘Do you have any advice for people just starting out on youtube?’

“I do!” He took in a breath, a bubbly aura surrounding him as he made a motion above his head. Had it not been for the editing in of a glittery rainbow with the words ‘It’s a trap’ added to it, the motion would’ve gone missed by most. However, for the spongebob lovers out there, well, they’d be on the same page as him. Hopefully. “Don’t! It’s a trap!” The tone remained cheery albeit sounded more forced as he went to read the next question before adding an off-handed: “Just have fun with it, but don’t expect too much from it.” 

‘How old are you?’ 

He gasped playfully, placing a hand to his chest in mock offense. “How dare you ask a lady his age!” 

‘What’s your favorite pokemon?’ 

“Mimikyu.” 

‘If you could go back in time and change anything what would it be?’

“Myself being born.” 

‘Do you have a girlfriend???’

“Nope.”

‘Why do you always cover your face?’

The man paused after reading the question, leaning back in his chair. He had to have known the question was coming. Hell, Peter had been tempted to ask the same thing when he posted online for his fans to send him questions. 

“ ‘Cause.” He answered finally, adjusting himself in his chair before looking back at the screen of his phone for another question. However it seemed like there were several more questions similar to the one he’d just answered, again, it wasn’t surprising but it would no doubt become annoying. Then again, it was part of the job; once you became famous you lost all privacy. Not that Chimichanguy was entirely famous but he did have a large following for some reason. “Ya’ll need to find new questions to ask...” He muttered before locking his phone. “I cover my face because I fear my dashing good looks are too much for this world.” 

Peter found himself rolling his eyes at the response. Honestly, what else had he expected? The man was chalk full of sarcasm, jokes and puns. 

“Happy? ...Alright, next question!” 

‘I noticed your Golden Girls collection in the background, so I was wondering which one was your favorite?’

“Finally! A good question.” He clapped his hand excitedly in front of him. “Bea Arthur… who plays the most beautifully savage women I’ve ever seen; Dorothy.” He pulled up his phone and turned it toward the camera, showing off his background photo; a picture of Bae Arthur. “Look how beautiful she is!” He sighed heavily, in a satisfied manner as he turned the phone back around and stared at the picture for a few more seconds before glancing at the camera, seemingly forgetting that he had been filming. “Oh right..” He muttered, putting the phone down gently and clearing his throat slightly. “Alright, gonna be hard to top that question..”

The video continued on for another minute before Peter’s spider senses started to act up. He left his desk, letting the video continue, and moved to look out of his bedroom window. It had to be nearby for his sense to be warning him, but where? Peter opened his window, hoping to get a better look at whatever it was but ended up with the same view as before; black. He chewed on his bottom lip, pondering a moment before rushing back towards his closet and pulling on his costume. Couldn’t hurt to do a quick lap, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the lack of updates as I was originally going to ditch this story, but seeing people actually enjoying it has made me want to try picking it up again.  
> Hope it was worth the wait..


End file.
